1
00:00:01,418 --> 00:00:03,545
I decided if I was gonna
get my boobs done...

2
00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:06,632
...I might as well go whole-hog,
you know what I mean?

3
00:00:06,798 --> 00:00:09,176
Yeah, I know what you mean.

4
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:12,179
They're still pretty natural-Iooking,
don't you think?

5
00:00:12,346 --> 00:00:14,431
They fooled me.

6
00:00:14,598 --> 00:00:17,559
Oh, yeah, gotta get right up on them
before you can tell.

7
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:21,021
I think they're really gonna help me
reach my career goals.

8
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:24,483
Do you remember what they were?

9
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,526
What what were?

10
00:00:26,693 --> 00:00:28,946
My career goals.

11
00:00:29,154 --> 00:00:33,283
Yeah, sure.
You wanna be an actress, right?

12
00:00:33,492 --> 00:00:36,662
No, silly. I wanna be a talk show host.

13
00:00:37,496 --> 00:00:38,830
Right.

14
00:00:42,417 --> 00:00:46,046
Of course, what they don't tell you is:
Big boobies equal bad back.

15
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,590
Say that three times fast.

16
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:52,177
- No, thank you.
- Big boobies equal bad back.

17
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:55,889
Big boobies equal bad back.
Big boobies equal bad back.

18
00:00:57,182 --> 00:01:00,644
Get your skinny little butt in here,
and I'll interview you standing up.

19
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:02,980
I'll be right there.

20
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,898
Okay, we're back.

21
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:08,026
Now, let's give a warm, soapy welcome
to my next guest...

22
00:01:08,193 --> 00:01:12,739
...and my close personal friend,
Charlie Harper.

23
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:20,497
Hey. Where you off to?

24
00:01:21,373 --> 00:01:24,626
I don't know. Anywhere.

25
00:01:25,961 --> 00:01:28,588
Charlie, the shower's still running.

26
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,090
Oh, fine.

27
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,680
There you are.

28
00:01:40,809 --> 00:01:43,395
Charlie! Charlie, help me!

29
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,940
- What's going on?
- Nothing. Go watch TV.

30
00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:49,276
Yeah, right.

31
00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:03,689
Well, I'm sorry, Alan, but who told you
to go sticking your hand in my shower?

32
00:02:04,357 --> 00:02:07,401
Oh, please. How can she sue you?
You have no money.

33
00:02:09,570 --> 00:02:11,030
Oh, boy.

34
00:02:11,781 --> 00:02:15,618
Nothing. Just saw an old girlfriend.
Talk to you later.

35
00:02:17,119 --> 00:02:18,454
Lisa?

36
00:02:19,163 --> 00:02:20,498
Oh, boy.

37
00:02:21,332 --> 00:02:23,751
Charlie. I don't believe it.

38
00:02:24,418 --> 00:02:26,504
- You look great.
- You too.

39
00:02:27,129 --> 00:02:31,467
Although if you're taking votes, I prefer
the brown sock to the beige one.

40
00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:35,012
What? Oh, I got kind of dressed
in a hurry this morning.

41
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:38,182
Really? Did somebody's husband
come home early?

42
00:02:39,183 --> 00:02:42,520
Why do you always assume the worst?
Can't I just be hung-over?

43
00:02:43,437 --> 00:02:45,439
Sorry. So how are you?

44
00:02:45,648 --> 00:02:49,276
Fine. I mean, you know, considering.

45
00:02:49,485 --> 00:02:51,320
And you? How's married life?

46
00:02:51,529 --> 00:02:54,073
Really great.
Best decision I ever made.

47
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:56,367
You deserve all the
happiness in the world...

48
00:02:56,534 --> 00:03:00,121
...and you found a guy who can give it.
- Thanks. That's very sweet.

49
00:03:00,329 --> 00:03:03,916
- I mean it sincerely. It warms my heart...
- Okay, we broke up.

50
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,587
Oh, I am so, so sorry. Honestly.

51
00:03:09,255 --> 00:03:11,590
<i>Yes. Yes.</i>

52
00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:18,305
- So, what happened?
- None of your business.

53
00:03:19,223 --> 00:03:21,016
Okay.

54
00:03:26,856 --> 00:03:29,191
I thought he was the sweetest guy
in the world...

55
00:03:29,358 --> 00:03:31,235
...but after we got married,
he changed.

56
00:03:31,402 --> 00:03:34,530
He started drinking a lot,
and lying around the house all day.

57
00:03:34,738 --> 00:03:36,949
Oh, no.

58
00:03:37,158 --> 00:03:39,326
I caught him in the shower
with some bimbo.

59
00:03:39,535 --> 00:03:41,537
Some guys, huh?

60
00:03:41,745 --> 00:03:44,957
Yeah. If I wanted that kind of life,
I could have stayed with you.

61
00:03:45,124 --> 00:03:48,669
Good point.
So, what are you doing for dinner?

62
00:03:49,795 --> 00:03:51,463
- You're shameless.
- Thank you.

63
00:03:51,630 --> 00:03:53,424
- It's not a compliment.
- Whatever.

64
00:03:53,591 --> 00:03:55,176
What are you doing for dinner?

65
00:03:55,384 --> 00:03:57,511
Charlie, a lot has changed.

66
00:03:57,720 --> 00:04:02,016
I know. I'm older and wiser,
and you're hot and on the rebound.

67
00:04:02,224 --> 00:04:03,684
- Charlie.
- Dinner tonight.

68
00:04:03,851 --> 00:04:05,853
I won't take no for an answer.

69
00:04:06,854 --> 00:04:09,523
Hey, lady.
Lady, you forgot your baby.

70
00:04:09,690 --> 00:04:11,984
Charlie, it's not her baby.

71
00:04:13,736 --> 00:04:16,447
Shall we say 7?

72
00:04:20,492 --> 00:04:25,331
Just out of curiosity, what the hell
happened in your brother's bathroom?

73
00:04:26,540 --> 00:04:28,667
- Nothing.
- Dad was wrestling on the floor...

74
00:04:28,834 --> 00:04:30,628
...with a naked lady.

75
00:04:31,170 --> 00:04:33,797
The quiet ones are always the freaks.

76
00:04:34,924 --> 00:04:37,676
- Jake, I was not wrestling.
- But she was naked.

77
00:04:37,885 --> 00:04:40,012
She was taking a shower,
and I didn't know.

78
00:04:40,179 --> 00:04:42,473
When I reached to turn it off,
she was startled.

79
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:46,310
It was innocent and there's no reason
to tell your mother, understand?

80
00:04:46,518 --> 00:04:50,397
Sure. By the way,
you have to sign my math test.

81
00:04:50,606 --> 00:04:55,486
Okay. D minus?
Jake, how do you get a D minus?

82
00:04:55,694 --> 00:04:57,905
How do you get wrapped
in a shower curtain...

83
00:04:58,072 --> 00:04:59,949
...with a naked lady?

84
00:05:01,325 --> 00:05:03,160
- Did you show this to your mother?
- No.

85
00:05:03,327 --> 00:05:06,789
- Why not?
- I didn't catch her doing anything.

86
00:05:10,084 --> 00:05:11,418
Okay, I'll sign this.

87
00:05:12,211 --> 00:05:14,922
But you are gonna go study
so this won't happen again.

88
00:05:15,381 --> 00:05:18,133
All right, but I wouldn't
get my hopes up.

89
00:05:19,510 --> 00:05:22,763
If you want something from Dad,
now's a good time.

90
00:05:24,890 --> 00:05:28,018
Oh, Alan, I am having the best day.

91
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:32,439
- Really? Do share it with me.
- Remember Lisa?

92
00:05:32,648 --> 00:05:36,777
Oh, is that the girl who bitch-slapped
me in your shower this morning?

93
00:05:39,154 --> 00:05:42,199
No, that's Meegan...

94
00:05:42,366 --> 00:05:45,786
...or Megan or Sue.

95
00:05:48,122 --> 00:05:52,084
Lisa is the woman that I asked to marry,
but she married this other guy instead.

96
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:55,129
They're divorced and we're
having dinner. Isn't that great?

97
00:05:55,337 --> 00:05:59,091
I'd applaud, but my hand
was bitten earlier.

98
00:05:59,675 --> 00:06:01,093
I'm sensing you're upset?

99
00:06:01,301 --> 00:06:03,720
Oh, no, no, no.
Why would I be upset?

100
00:06:03,929 --> 00:06:06,765
I mean, besides the...
The bite and the mild concussion...

101
00:06:06,932 --> 00:06:10,352
...that I got from my head bouncing
off your bathroom floor...

102
00:06:10,519 --> 00:06:13,689
...while your shower buddy
was driving her knee into my groin.

103
00:06:14,940 --> 00:06:18,527
She wants to be a talk show host.
I don't see it. Not with that voice.

104
00:06:18,944 --> 00:06:21,905
And to top it all off, my son
saw me entwined on the floor...

105
00:06:22,072 --> 00:06:26,410
...with Meegan or Megan or Sue...

106
00:06:26,577 --> 00:06:28,745
...and is now blackmailing me.

107
00:06:29,788 --> 00:06:31,415
Kid's a genius.

108
00:06:33,917 --> 00:06:36,128
Anyway, here's the wrinkle with Lisa.

109
00:06:36,295 --> 00:06:37,629
She's got a kid now.

110
00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:40,340
I'm not sure where I'm at
with having an instant family.

111
00:06:40,549 --> 00:06:42,926
I'm sorry. Are we done
with what's bothering me?

112
00:06:44,803 --> 00:06:46,263
I am.

113
00:06:48,390 --> 00:06:50,642
It's like talking to a horny chimp.

114
00:06:51,935 --> 00:06:54,646
Well, that was uncalled for.

115
00:06:57,024 --> 00:06:59,610
- So, what do you think?
- About what?

116
00:06:59,985 --> 00:07:01,695
Lisa, me, the kid.

117
00:07:02,029 --> 00:07:04,156
Okay, let's see now.

118
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,533
This is the same woman
you've broken up...

119
00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:09,369
...and gotten back with for years, right?
- Right.

120
00:07:09,578 --> 00:07:12,331
And she turned you down
in order to marry somebody else?

121
00:07:12,539 --> 00:07:14,625
- Yes.
- And then the marriage fell apart...

122
00:07:14,791 --> 00:07:17,211
...and now she's got his baby?
- Yeah.

123
00:07:18,545 --> 00:07:21,340
Sounds perfect. Go for it.

124
00:07:23,842 --> 00:07:26,762
Okay, don't think I don't know
what you're doing.

125
00:07:32,059 --> 00:07:34,061
Are you gonna be okay?

126
00:07:35,145 --> 00:07:37,314
Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

127
00:07:38,857 --> 00:07:42,194
It's just nobody's taken a crap
in my car since college.

128
00:07:44,029 --> 00:07:45,489
Don't be such a baby.

129
00:07:45,697 --> 00:07:47,991
Hey, tell her.

130
00:07:48,492 --> 00:07:52,037
I'll change her diaper while your car
airs out. Then you can take us home.

131
00:07:52,204 --> 00:07:54,247
But what if it happens again?

132
00:07:54,456 --> 00:07:57,167
Don't worry. I'll hold her out
the window till we arrive.

133
00:07:57,376 --> 00:08:00,212
Thank you.
Can I make you a nightcap?

134
00:08:00,420 --> 00:08:02,464
Charlie, I'm breastfeeding, remember?

135
00:08:02,673 --> 00:08:04,132
Oh, right, right.

136
00:08:04,299 --> 00:08:06,802
And may I say, on behalf
of myself, the ma�tre d'...

137
00:08:06,969 --> 00:08:10,722
...and the entire kitchen staff that found
a reason to walk past our table:

138
00:08:10,931 --> 00:08:12,891
You're doing a hell of a job.

139
00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:19,314
Look at what a good
poopie you made.

140
00:08:21,984 --> 00:08:25,362
Mommy's gonna get you
all cleaned up.

141
00:08:29,032 --> 00:08:31,868
- Would you throw this away?
- Sure.

142
00:09:14,745 --> 00:09:17,080
You didn't throw that
on the beach, did you?

143
00:09:17,247 --> 00:09:19,958
No, no. I threw it
on my neighbor's deck.

144
00:09:21,668 --> 00:09:24,296
Long story. He started it.

145
00:09:25,755 --> 00:09:28,008
- So how we doing?
- All done.

146
00:09:28,216 --> 00:09:30,177
Oh, good.

147
00:09:32,679 --> 00:09:35,724
Boy, you hear all these horror stories
about screaming babies...

148
00:09:35,891 --> 00:09:38,268
...but she's not half bad.

149
00:09:38,435 --> 00:09:40,562
She's my little angel.

150
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:44,357
Kind of weird, huh?
You and me and a baby.

151
00:09:44,524 --> 00:09:46,318
Yeah.

152
00:09:46,485 --> 00:09:51,531
Not that the baby's weird.
It's just the whole, you know, gestalt.

153
00:09:56,411 --> 00:09:58,163
You are so sweet.

154
00:09:58,371 --> 00:10:00,081
I know.

155
00:10:01,917 --> 00:10:03,752
Wanna go upstairs?

156
00:10:04,461 --> 00:10:07,631
- No, I have to go home.
- Why?

157
00:10:07,797 --> 00:10:10,508
What do you mean, why?
I have a baby.

158
00:10:10,675 --> 00:10:13,511
Okay, she can stay too.

159
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,890
I can't spend the night.
I didn't bring enough diapers...

160
00:10:17,057 --> 00:10:19,142
...the bassinet.
I don't have a breast pump.

161
00:10:19,351 --> 00:10:22,187
So? We'll do it the old-fashioned way.

162
00:10:22,395 --> 00:10:25,482
What are you gonna do, Charlie?
Milk me?

163
00:10:26,775 --> 00:10:28,443
What kind of thing is that to say?

164
00:10:28,652 --> 00:10:31,696
What makes you think I'm ready
to jump back into bed with you?

165
00:10:32,614 --> 00:10:35,283
I don't know. Because I'm sweet?

166
00:10:35,492 --> 00:10:37,202
You weren't ready when I was single.

167
00:10:37,369 --> 00:10:39,329
How are you gonna
handle me and a baby?

168
00:10:39,496 --> 00:10:43,458
Easy. I love babies, babies love me.
Look how good I get along with Jake.

169
00:10:43,625 --> 00:10:44,960
Jake's 11.

170
00:10:45,126 --> 00:10:48,171
So? He was 10 when I met him.

171
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:51,967
Gosh, they grow so quickly, don't they?

172
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:56,179
- Okay, look. If you're serious...
- I am.

173
00:10:56,346 --> 00:11:00,642
- come over tomorrow night to our place.
I'll make dinner, we'll see what happens.

174
00:11:00,809 --> 00:11:02,602
Or we go to your place now...

175
00:11:02,769 --> 00:11:05,438
...having already eaten,
and see what happens.

176
00:11:05,605 --> 00:11:08,149
Still incapable of delaying
gratification, aren't you?

177
00:11:08,316 --> 00:11:10,193
No, no, no, I've grown.

178
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:12,570
I learned to put the needs
of others before me.

179
00:11:12,737 --> 00:11:14,614
- Really?
- Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

180
00:11:14,781 --> 00:11:17,367
The old thoughtless,
selfish Charlie is gone...

181
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:19,202
...and I say good riddance to him.

182
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:22,747
Now, come on.
I'll take you home.

183
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:25,250
- Charlie?
- Yeah?

184
00:11:25,417 --> 00:11:26,835
The baby.

185
00:11:44,394 --> 00:11:45,729
This makes no sense.

186
00:11:45,895 --> 00:11:48,273
It's math. It makes perfect sense.

187
00:11:48,440 --> 00:11:52,527
Well, then I guess we'll just
have to agree to disagree.

188
00:11:52,736 --> 00:11:54,654
No, you just have to do the work.

189
00:11:55,071 --> 00:11:59,868
Well, maybe I have a learning disability,
or a syndrome of some sort.

190
00:12:00,076 --> 00:12:02,871
You don't have a learning disability.
You're just lazy.

191
00:12:03,496 --> 00:12:05,415
Maybe that's the syndrome.

192
00:12:21,473 --> 00:12:24,601
See you later. And by "later,"
I'm hoping tomorrow.

193
00:12:24,768 --> 00:12:28,271
Is there anything in your shower
I need to know about?

194
00:12:30,315 --> 00:12:33,401
Oh, come on. That's the most
action you've had in months.

195
00:12:34,027 --> 00:12:36,362
I have a loose tooth.

196
00:12:37,071 --> 00:12:40,658
Can't you just be happy for me?
The woman I love is back in my life.

197
00:12:40,825 --> 00:12:45,163
That's great. I'm thrilled.
I can't eat apples.

198
00:12:46,331 --> 00:12:49,083
I'll bring you back some
applesauce from Lisa's.

199
00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:53,505
Her kid needs to lay off
the fiber anyway.

200
00:12:53,671 --> 00:12:55,840
Oh, yeah. How's that working out?

201
00:12:56,007 --> 00:12:59,469
With the kid? She's great. I love kids.

202
00:12:59,636 --> 00:13:03,139
Really? Tell me. How many
diapers have you changed so far?

203
00:13:03,306 --> 00:13:07,185
Well, none, actually.
But I am credited with an assist.

204
00:13:08,102 --> 00:13:10,104
- Have you fed the baby?
- No.

205
00:13:10,313 --> 00:13:13,441
- Dressed the baby? Bathed the baby?
- No. What's your point, Alan?

206
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:17,028
- Nothing. Have fun.
- Thanks.

207
00:13:17,237 --> 00:13:19,239
I intend to.

208
00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:24,744
Don't think I don't know
what you're doing.

209
00:13:32,134 --> 00:13:35,262
- What was that?
- Coyotes, Charlie.

210
00:13:37,222 --> 00:13:39,641
Probably dropped her pacifier.
I'll be right back.

211
00:13:39,808 --> 00:13:42,853
- No, no, no. You stay. I'll take care of it.
- Really?

212
00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:47,274
Oh, yeah. No problem.
I'm great with babies.

213
00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:50,110
Pacifier is the little nipple thing, right?

214
00:13:51,945 --> 00:13:53,113
Be right back.

215
00:13:57,743 --> 00:13:59,787
<i>Hey, little baby, you decent?</i>

216
00:14:00,579 --> 00:14:03,040
<i>Okay, here's your pacifier, sweetie.</i>

217
00:14:03,207 --> 00:14:06,293
<i>Not as good as the real thing,
am I right?</i>

218
00:14:08,712 --> 00:14:12,049
<i>Smells like one of us
just crapped our pants.</i>

219
00:14:12,216 --> 00:14:14,426
<i>I sure hope it's you.</i>

220
00:14:14,927 --> 00:14:17,179
<i>Let's take a look.</i>

221
00:14:19,598 --> 00:14:21,391
Charlie? You okay?

222
00:14:23,393 --> 00:14:26,021
- What?
- Is everything okay?

223
00:14:26,188 --> 00:14:29,525
Oh, yeah. Just a little
diaper issue. I can take care of it.

224
00:14:30,692 --> 00:14:33,529
And then I'll be back
to take care of you.

225
00:14:37,825 --> 00:14:40,410
<i>Okay. Let's just take this thing off.</i>

226
00:14:40,828 --> 00:14:43,205
<i>Oh, sweet Lord.</i>

227
00:14:45,123 --> 00:14:48,377
<i>Did you have Thai food
for dinner, or what?</i>

228
00:14:49,002 --> 00:14:52,422
<i>Man, Babe Ruth took smaller dumps.</i>

229
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:56,385
Do you need any help?

230
00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,430
What?

231
00:15:00,597 --> 00:15:02,224
Do you need any help?

232
00:15:02,391 --> 00:15:04,226
No, we're good.

233
00:15:09,398 --> 00:15:13,068
<i>Okay. Now we wipe the tushy.</i>

234
00:15:14,403 --> 00:15:16,697
<i>Sorry. It's not you. It's me.</i>

235
00:15:16,863 --> 00:15:21,326
<i>Wipe it again. Third time's the charm.</i>

236
00:15:21,493 --> 00:15:24,788
<i>Little powder. Oh, that smells nice.</i>

237
00:15:24,955 --> 00:15:30,127
<i>Maybe a little powder for my tushy.
Don 't tell your mommy.</i>

238
00:15:31,670 --> 00:15:34,798
Charlie, I can hear you on the monitor.

239
00:15:35,632 --> 00:15:36,967
<i>Oh, right.</i>

240
00:15:37,342 --> 00:15:39,970
<i>People of Earth...</i>

241
00:15:40,137 --> 00:15:42,514
<i>... we mean you no harm.</i>

242
00:15:45,684 --> 00:15:49,521
See? This one is wrong, this is wrong.
Jake, you have to check your work.

243
00:15:49,688 --> 00:15:51,273
These are careless mistakes.

244
00:15:51,481 --> 00:15:55,944
Maybe I'm not careless.
Maybe I ate lead paint as a child.

245
00:15:56,695 --> 00:16:00,198
- Here. Do it again.
- Fine.

246
00:16:03,785 --> 00:16:06,538
Dad, are you and Mom related?

247
00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:14,004
I'm sorry. What?

248
00:16:14,379 --> 00:16:18,008
Well, if you marry your cousin,
your kids will be stupid, right?

249
00:16:20,385 --> 00:16:23,013
Jake, you're not stupid,
your mother's not my cousin...

250
00:16:23,180 --> 00:16:26,808
...and you're not going anywhere
until you do your homework.

251
00:16:28,977 --> 00:16:31,313
Like I have somewhere to go.

252
00:16:32,814 --> 00:16:37,861
There we go.
You were a hungry little girl.

253
00:16:38,487 --> 00:16:40,155
Of course she was hungry.

254
00:16:40,322 --> 00:16:43,784
She must of dropped half her
body weight in that last diaper.

255
00:16:46,995 --> 00:16:50,165
What a good burp.
Wasn't that a good burp, Charlie?

256
00:16:50,374 --> 00:16:54,086
Oh, yeah. Wait till you
meet my nephew.

257
00:16:54,252 --> 00:16:57,339
<i>He can belch the theme from Shaft.</i>

258
00:16:58,256 --> 00:17:00,467
All right. Good night, sweetheart.

259
00:17:01,551 --> 00:17:03,345
Oh, there we go.

260
00:17:06,556 --> 00:17:08,517
Now, where were we?

261
00:17:08,850 --> 00:17:10,185
Oh, yeah.

262
00:17:10,769 --> 00:17:13,396
You know, I'm a little tired.
Aren't you tired?

263
00:17:13,605 --> 00:17:16,024
- What's wrong?
- Nothing.

264
00:17:16,233 --> 00:17:19,653
Was it the breastfeeding? Because
in the restaurant, it turned you on.

265
00:17:20,403 --> 00:17:23,365
I know, but there I wasn't on deck.

266
00:17:24,032 --> 00:17:25,742
So you don't wanna fool around?

267
00:17:26,368 --> 00:17:29,788
It's not that. I'm looking
at the sexiest woman in the world...

268
00:17:29,955 --> 00:17:32,833
...and all I can see is a Thermos.

269
00:17:33,416 --> 00:17:37,546
Charlie, there are things you do with
your penis that aren't exactly a turn-on.

270
00:17:37,754 --> 00:17:40,215
You mean the puppet show?

271
00:17:41,258 --> 00:17:45,178
<i>I thought you loved The Amazing
Adventures of Stretch Armstrong.</i>

272
00:17:45,554 --> 00:17:49,891
That's not what I meant.
Now, come on. Come to mama.

273
00:17:50,642 --> 00:17:55,063
Okay, time. "Come to mama"
bums me a little.

274
00:17:55,438 --> 00:17:59,150
Can we make it
"Come to Catholic schoolgirl"?

275
00:17:59,526 --> 00:18:02,445
Yes, Monsignor.

276
00:18:02,821 --> 00:18:04,865
Hallelujah.

277
00:18:10,370 --> 00:18:13,081
Here you go. Two sugars, no cream.

278
00:18:13,248 --> 00:18:19,004
Oh, perfect. And I don't mind saying,
last night was none too shabby either.

279
00:18:19,546 --> 00:18:24,718
"Dear diary: Coffee perfect,
sex none too shabby."

280
00:18:25,468 --> 00:18:27,554
You know what I mean.

281
00:18:27,762 --> 00:18:30,348
I can't remember
why we kept breaking up.

282
00:18:30,724 --> 00:18:35,312
- You can't?
- Well, I can. I was just being romantic.

283
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,481
- What are you doing?
- Putting on my pants.

284
00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:41,109
You're leaving already?

285
00:18:42,736 --> 00:18:44,070
No.

286
00:18:44,279 --> 00:18:47,240
So why are you putting
on your pants, then?

287
00:18:48,283 --> 00:18:51,077
I don't know.
Did you wanna wear them?

288
00:18:53,330 --> 00:18:55,165
Forget it.

289
00:18:56,666 --> 00:18:58,627
Hey, I've gotta go home
sooner or later.

290
00:18:58,835 --> 00:19:01,254
- Go home whenever you want.
- I can't leave...

291
00:19:01,421 --> 00:19:03,340
...when you're in this mood.
- What mood?

292
00:19:03,506 --> 00:19:04,841
This mood.

293
00:19:05,008 --> 00:19:07,719
Oh, just leave, Charlie.
It's what you do best.

294
00:19:08,803 --> 00:19:12,641
No, it's what I do after
I do what I do best.

295
00:19:15,310 --> 00:19:18,396
Oh, come on.
I was just putting on my pants.

296
00:19:18,563 --> 00:19:22,525
- You wanna spend the day with us?
- The whole day?

297
00:19:25,111 --> 00:19:28,573
- Here are your shoes.
- Hang on a second.

298
00:19:28,740 --> 00:19:31,034
Is this some hormonal
thing because of the baby?

299
00:19:31,201 --> 00:19:34,996
No, it's some kind of
stupid thing because you're stupid.

300
00:19:36,414 --> 00:19:39,292
Any time I don't behave the way
you want, it's hormonal.

301
00:19:39,751 --> 00:19:42,712
Not every time, but you
gotta admit there is a pattern.

302
00:19:42,921 --> 00:19:44,631
You know the pattern I see?

303
00:19:44,798 --> 00:19:48,385
Every time things start going well for us,
you find an excuse to run.

304
00:19:48,593 --> 00:19:50,261
No, no, no. You push me away.

305
00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,430
How? How do I push you away?

306
00:19:52,639 --> 00:19:55,683
Like this. You pick a fight over
nothing and say I can't commit.

307
00:19:55,850 --> 00:19:58,228
- You can't commit.
- Hey, I can commit.

308
00:19:58,395 --> 00:20:00,355
Oh, yeah? Prove it.

309
00:20:00,563 --> 00:20:03,316
Fine. I'll start right now.

310
00:20:07,946 --> 00:20:10,532
I'm gonna stay here all day.

311
00:20:14,035 --> 00:20:16,788
- Really?
- Really.

312
00:20:18,540 --> 00:20:21,209
We're talking a business day, right?

313
00:20:25,547 --> 00:20:30,176
- Hey. How did it go with Lisa?
- I don't think it's gonna work out.

314
00:20:30,552 --> 00:20:34,430
Really? Even with the little baby
there to help smooth things along?

315
00:20:35,598 --> 00:20:36,933
It wasn't the baby.

316
00:20:38,184 --> 00:20:40,895
She has commitment issues.

317
00:20:41,521 --> 00:20:44,816
Oh, that's too bad. Hey, what's that
splattered all over your shirt?

318
00:20:45,191 --> 00:20:47,694
Coffee and breast milk.

319
00:20:49,112 --> 00:20:52,448
What happened?
Did Starbucks merge with Hooters?

320
00:20:53,741 --> 00:20:55,910
Hooterbucks.

321
00:20:56,828 --> 00:21:00,206
I'd like a double-D cup latte, please.

322
00:21:12,259 --> 00:21:14,720
Dad, you gotta sign this.

323
00:21:16,514 --> 00:21:19,892
Another D?
Jake, what is wrong with you?

324
00:21:20,059 --> 00:21:22,103
Well, I have a theory.

325
00:21:22,269 --> 00:21:23,979
Oh, really? Another one. Do tell.

326
00:21:24,188 --> 00:21:26,065
I'm a crack baby.

327
00:21:30,569 --> 00:21:32,613
Kid's a genius.

328
00:21:59,265 --> 00:22:01,350
Subtitles by
SDI Media Group

329
00:22:01,517 --> 00:22:03,602
[ENGLISH]